The Chocolate Factory (pt.2)

"Hello, fellow eempa leempa! Would you give me a hand with this flour?" the short dude with the orange face asked me.
"Um... okaaaay," I said. I started picking up bags of flour and putting them in a cart."
"Say, you're very good at that! Have you practiced before?" the eempa leempa asked me.
"Well... I mean there's not really much to it. All you do is pick up the bag and put it in the cart," I said awkwardly.
"Gasp!" the eempa leempa gasped. "There is so much to bag-putting of into the cart! An eempa leempa's job is never easy! OH, eempa-leeeempas!" he cried.
They started singing. GREEAAAT.
"Oh, eempa-leempas are we. Lalalalalala. We like to sing. We lived in trees. Lalalalalalala! But then Billy Bonka (being the bonkers guy he is) let us live in his factory as his slaves. Oh, gee whiz!" The continued to sing and Axel and Rosa looked at me.
"Is EVERY problem in the world your fault?" they asked me.
"... Yes," I said.
"Well, STOP! We have to act normal. The children will arrive soon."
"Oh goodness, have we been singing for ten minutes now? The children have arrived!" an eempa leempa noticed. "Hurry! We must act jolly and illiterate so that Mr. Bonka won't feel inadequate! Come now, let us all be on our way!"
"Alright, now station yourselves near the children. Now, when I signal, move the children quickly. Do. Not. Hurt. The. Children. Just... move them. Like, lead them a different way. Like you're giving a tour. Okay? Then Randy will pop out, Rosa and I will snatch him, and we can be on our way. Can you do that, Birger?" Axel asked.
"Duh! I'm not stupid," I replied.
"That statement is up for debate, but let's move on!" Rosa said.
We entered the room and we saw this kooky looking old guy in a stupid, pink suit along with a bunch of snotty kids. Well, there were two that looked maybe bearable, but the others... yick. I didn't want to be in the same room as them.
Then again, the way they looked at me, they probably shared this opinion.
"Okily dokily, chilren, it's time to go to the chocolate river!" Billy said.
"Yaaay!" the children droned.
The children and Billy and I trooped out to this great big room that looked like something I had only dreamed about... everything was food.
"Mmmmm..." I said. "Chocolatey thing..." I scooped up some mud and stuck it in my mouth.
"Birger!" Rosa hissed. "This is no time for eating... go... move the fat kid that's sucking up all the chocolate in the river."
"Okay!" I said. I waddled over to the kid and thought.
"Hey kid!" I said.
"Leaf me alone! Can't you see I'm guzzlink down some chocolate!" he said in a German accent.
"You talk funny!" I laughed. Then I pushed him into the river.
"Birger!" Axel shouted. "What did you do?! We SAID NOT TO HURT THE KIDS!!!"
"My poor baby boy!" a big woman said. "He can't schvim!"
I looked around for Randy. "Nope," I said, and I waddled away before anyone noticed I had been there.
Next we were at this gum making machine. I saw this little girl looking bored. I took one of the sticks of gum and held it out. "Hey, kid! Want some gum?" I asked.
"Oooh! Gum!" she said.
I led her away from the area and looked around for Randy. He was nowhere to be seen.
"Ah, never mind, take the stupid gum," I said.
She took it and started to chew. I walked away dissapointedly and I heard shouts: "Oh my goodness! My beautiful daughter is turning blue! And she's getting huge!"
Hrmmm... I wonder what that could mean...
"Birger!" Rosa whispered. "What did you DO?! That girl turned into a giant blueberry!"
"Weird... I just gave her some gum..." I said.
"Just... maybe I should do your part. Let's trade parts..." Axel said.
"No!" I shouted. "I want to do this! This is my job! And I'm good at it!"
"That's debatable, but fine. Just don't mess anything else up!"
"You can count on me!" I said.
They looked at each other nervously and nodded. "Just... go," Axel said.
I headed over and saw the other children looking at some squirrels.
"Hey kid!" I said. "There's some treasure in the trash hole... go to the trash hole!"
Would you believe that idiot! The snotty looking girl stepped into the place and I looked around for Randy. He was nowhere to be seen.
"Oh well," I said, walking away.
I heard shouts: "My darling! She's being devoured by squirrels! Oh, GOD! She's fallen in the trash hole! Help! HELP!"
Odd...
So in the next few minutes I had shrunk this weird little kid named Ben and paid Billy Bonka to take that Charlie kid in the other room and give him a whole bunch of chocolate. And by using the process of elimination, I realized it must be that Roald Dahl kid.
Unfortunately, that took me a little while to figure out, and so... Randy got away.
And lemme tell you, Axel and Rosa were ticked.

The Chocolate Factory (pt. 1)

"Well, this annoying," Axel said.
Randy had just become a villain. And to think: That guy used to be my BFF!
"Well, yeah, I guess, but we get to travel through time to complete missions!" I said happily. Axel looked at me like I was crazy.
"I stayed in the sixteen hundreds for twenty years because I had a mission in time travel. This is NOT a good thing. NOT. GOOD."
"Well, at least I'm not a farmhand anymore," I said happily, sitting down on some buttons. The screen thingy looked like this: reuifdkjvhdnbwurkdjvhfjdawieruwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
"Hee, hee! Check this out! Oh, wait! Never mind... it's all gone," I said.
"What?!" Axel screamed. "That was a program that was going to retrieve the seventeen minutes lost in the watergate scandal! That program has taken twenty-five years to run and it was going to be done in TWO MONTHS!"
"The wha?" I asked.
"You... simpletons of the past!" Axel spluttered. "I can't--DEAL with this right now! I was supposed to be reversing the assassination of Lincoln right now! What is my boss going to say when he finds out that I've brought the DUMBEST guy EVER to the future?!"
"Where is he?" I asked. "I want to throw tomaters as him."
Axel sighed. "Well, there's nothing for it now. I guess my new, revised mission is to get the remote from Randy. You don't understand... he could be every place at every time. He probably IS everywhere, since he wants to stalk everyone. Except you, Birger, you've already been a victim and rule number one of stalkership is to NEVER confront the victim."
"I'm special..." I said. "Wait a minute, how do YOU know this?"
"Um... CIA Training. Just... let it be," Axel said uncomfortably.
I thought about it for a second... "Okay."
So Axel got out his remote thingamabobber and pressed a few buttons.
"Oooh! Can I see?" I asked.
"Birger, stay!" Rosa barked.
"Fiiiine," I said dissapointedly.
Axel aimed it at the air and the purple circle appeared.
"Ladies first... Rosa," Axel said. "Or are you really a guy who's pretending to be a girl who pretended to be a guy?"
"Shut up, Axel. Mind your own beezwax," Rosa said.
She stepped up to the purple circle and stuck her head in. Suddenly the rest of her was sucked in too. "Axel! What the heck did you do..." she screamed.
"Isn't it supposed do that?" I asked.
"God, she is such a girl," Axel said. "You next, Birg."
"Schweet!" I said happily, stepping up to the circle. I stuck my head in too and suddenly I was being sucked inwards.
"Oooh! It feels like it's massaging me!" I said.
"TMI, Birger!" Rosa screamed.Finally, we were thrown onto a busy, dirty street in a smoggy city. There were horse-less carriages surrounding me.
"Oi!" someone shouted with a funky accent. "Nice outfits! You're standin in the middle of the street, you ninnies! You could be run over!"
"Wha?" I asked.
"Blimey, you a foreigner?"
"No, he just has amnesia. Leave the poor boy alone," Axel said.
"Wha?" I asked.
"We're in England. In 1924."
"Wha?"
Axel sighed. "Come with me. Reports say a villainous persona has been seen lurking about around Billy Bonka's chocolate factory."
"Wha?"
Rosa pushed me forward where ever we walked. When we got odd stares, they told people I had a mental illness. I don't know what that means, but I'm pretty sure I don't.
After being pushed around for about forty-five minutes, Axel pointed. "There it is! Billy Bonka's Chocolate Factory. The most famous in the world. And today, six lucky young children have gotten silver tickets and are going to get a tour. Their names are: Thadeus "Thad" Safatboy, Ima spoiledrychgurl, Ima Lsoaspoiltrychgurlbutnawtazrych, Ben Watchenteeveealldailawng, Charlie Puckette, and Roald Dahl. Rumor has it that Billy Bonka has slaves called Eempa Leempas. We're going in as eempa leempas."
"Me too?" I asked.
"Yes, unfortunately, we'll need all of us."
"Well, what's our mission?" Rosa asked.
"Well, Randy is reportedly stalking one of these children. We'll have to figure out who by moving said children very quickly so that Randy will have to move very quickly, thus exposing his wherabouts. Once we see him, we pin him down and get the remote."
"But what if he doesn't have it with him?" I asked.
Apparently this thought had not crossed Axel's mind.
"Well, we'll cross that bridge when we get there. And you see this?" Axel pulled out a badge. "This is a 'do whatever I want and get away with it' badge. I figured that out by watching transformers."
"Schweet," I said.
"This handy little gadget is something I like to use to change appearances," Axel said. He pointed it at us and soon enough, we were short and orange.
"I liked being a man better," grumbled Rosa.
"Yeah, well, we're still really creeped out by your confession so just... let's keep that subject on the down low shall we?" Axel said.
"Whatever," Rosa grumbled.
I pulled up my purple britches and we entered the factory.

Wooooo! You see this technique? This is called SUSPENSE. Say it with me: Suuuuspeennse. I use it to make you want to read more. So... come back soon! These things don't take very long to make, just one math class!
JK! LOL! Hehehe... I hate it when people say that.
Anyway, here ya go!