The Background... so cool, I know.

Welcome to My Name is Birger.
I am going to enter the background story for Birger here. So... yay! Prepare to be amazed.
You will find that Birger is responsible for a bunch of bad things that have happened in this world. Oh dear.

Randy—
Randy is an official. He has started an illegal stalker squad organization. He is somewhat creepy and stalks people. Current victim is Birger the farmer. He stalked him onto the Kalmar Nyckel. Mysterious figure, no one will tell us his appearance. Too terrifying. All that we know is that he always has a sly, creepy grin.

Axel—
Axel was born to a rich family. He used to tell all of his friends he was not noble so that they would like him for him and not the money. But one day, one of his supposed friends discovered he was rich. The “friend” stole all the money and Axel thought he might be able to re-earn some of it if he went on the Kalmar Nyckel.

Rudolf—
The woeful tale of Rudolf goes like this: A very adventurous boy, he was born into a noble family and his sister got small pox and she died. Her dad became a drunk and left the family. Her mother worked hard to keep the family together but working so much took its toll and she too died. Rudolf lived on the streets as a poor thief until Axel found him and helped him get a place on the Kalmar Nyckel.

Birger—
Birger was born on a farm. They weren’t particularly rich or particularly poor, but since he was the youngest and more valuable in the fields, his parents never saw it fit to educate him. So, obviously, he can’t read. Though he is incredibly stupid, people tend to like his agreeable and goofy personality. But one day he got sick of being a stupid farm-hand and decided to see what life was like on the open sea. Unfortunately, he was stalked by Randy and his stalker squad so things aren’t looking so good.

Story:
Once upon a time in the seventeenth century, there were four people. One was a stalker and was pretty bored with stalking this midget that he found a pickled vegetable store, and so he decided to find some one new. The first person he saw was a fat, stupid farmhand buying chicken feed across the street, and so he looked pretty entertaining. It turns out, the stupid farm-hand was named Birger and he was sick of being what he was (cough, stupid farmer).
Meanwhile, on the street, there was a grubby, homeless boy who was sleeping in the mud. A guy who looked pretty rich but was secretly sad and economically challenged walked down the street and took pity on this pitiful scene.
“Hey, Mr. Homeless Person! You look like you’ve got a pretty bad life. Would you like to not be homeless, because if so, have I got the job for you!”
Rudolf looked up from the mud. He smelled pretty bad.
“I don’t want to be homeless!” he whined. But then he fell back down in the mud.
“Well, I was once sort of in your shoe-things. Except not nearly as poor. And so you know what I did? I decided to go on a voyage on the Kalmar Nyckel!”
“The Kalmar Nyckel!? Why, it’s always been my dream to be a sailor with money!” Rudolf cried.
Axel smiled. “You know, I am looking for recruits. And you sort of look like the guy who could swab the poop-deck and the head!”
“Well, it’s not my dream, but I’m homeless, so I’ll pretty much do anything.”
Meanwhile, Birger looked over and saw that the smelly homeless guy was getting what he wanted. Birger started crying. “I WANNA GO ON THE KERMIT NOGGEL!”
Axel looked over and saw the big stupid farm-hand crying in the middle of the shop. “Hey, there, there’s no need to be sad! I can hire you too!”
So Birger ran home with the chickenfeed and asked his mama and papa if he could go on the “kermit noggel”.
They were sick of him and his stupidity so they were glad to see him go.
Later on, Randy was secretly following him and overheard said conversation. He went to the Stalker Squad Headquarters and said to his fellow stalker-mates, “Our current pathetic fat stupid victim, Birger, is joining the ‘kermit noggel’. Being loyal stalkers, let’s join that ship and STALK HIM!” Then they all used their stalker powers and went to up to Axel, “May we join the Kermit Noggel?”
Axel said, “Sure, but it’s called the Kalmar Nyckel. You can clean the hole in the head!”
If the stalkers had known seaman lingo, they probably would have given up this victim, but they didn’t know.
Randy soon worked his stalker powers and became an officer. Axel didn’t like the creepy guy that much.
And so, this is how the Kalmar Nyckel crew was brought together. Do with it what you will, but please, no killing off any of the Stalker Squad or main characters.Thank you and good night.

So... I will be entering a post for chapter 1 momentarily.